Motivation and How Do We Find It?

May third, really the forth as it’s just after midnight. Israel had asked me if I was interested in writing for him here, he and I have been talking a lot of paintball and even more Internet. At first I was really taken back, I have little respect for my writing ability but as of late been thinking about writing more. After checking with Israel that he had actually read some of my blog posts on my paintball site, and another unproductive weekend I knew this was something I needed to do.

I probably watch too much TV and a lot of that is reality shows, my only health related is Biggest Looser, but many others cover the human condition. I get sucked in as a good audience should. I get to know the people on the screen and I gain inspiration from their trials. The issues comes from how long that inspiration lasts, I walk by my stationary bike on the way to the kitchen to throw out the now empty ice cream container tell myself that I will start riding it again tomorrow morning. It’s not a lie, or a fantasy, I honestly do. But I wake up tried or feel I need to get into work early for a meeting, and the bike sits another day.

Motivation:
I have struggled all of my life with motivation far too often thinking myself out of just doing. I have actively sought to control this part of me, to turn on the killer instinct for the paintball field, to hit up the boss for the raise even with this downturned economy or to make a change in my life for myself.

I am a 6’1″ tall and one day the scale read 236 pounds and it really upset me. I have never been “ripped” but I was very athletic in high school as a wrestler my senior year I weighed around 167. In college I didn’t really keep track of my weight; I was active, worked out at the gym, played lacrosse and had a lot of walking to do around campus. My weight continued to creep up. After college I worked in a computer store and my activity level decreased and I started eating a lot more. There where some lonely and depressing times in there that I am sure helped with my march up to 236.

So I made a change, started tacking what I ate, dropped my calories down to around 2000 a day, I also took myself off the my high blood pressure medicine to force the need to treat my body for the better. Over the next few months I took myself down to about 219 pounds. But more and more weekends I would make poor choices, and my lunches got bigger. I was still eating better foods but my motivation had disappeared. So I stayed at 219 for nearly a year. I took some pride in not gaining it back but as my 35th year rolled along I knew I needed to do better. Diet had helped but only so much, I had to get my body back in shape and get down to 200 pounds, my current goal.

For the last 3 months I have tried hard to eat right, eat less and be more active. I have had weeks of success but in the long run have maybe taken another four pounds off. So here I am sharing my trials with you, forcing myself to take account from my actions and hoping to gain some new strength from it.

I turn 36 on May 6th.
How many years have I set my birthday as the line I was going to be in shape by?
Every one of them ending in failure.
I am very introspective but this year is the first time I have taken account of my self in a public way.
I feel that I have to meet my goals or I am only moving my end date closer.
The silly statement made on a TV show “I need to make a change for myself” that’s what brought back my motivation, and it wasn’t even from watching the show it was as I walk to my bed room and it popped into my head for some reason.
I know my story isn’t anything special.
I know most everyone has lost their motivation before and most everyone has failed to lose the weight they want.
I hope in the process I find a better way to stay on track and that in the process impart that to you the readers.